MY do died yesterday. i just found out today. he was a fawn pug and he was 14, i was five when i got him. he was having trouble breathing last night and on the way to the vet he passed away. my dad called me right away as he was my dog, my baby, but i didn't have my phone i called him back today and he told me what happened. i burst in to tears. i cryed for awhile sort of stopped. now i don't know what to do. i feel like a bad mommy and i was his mommy. i wish i had been there i wish i had spent more time with him. when we moved to new york he stayed at my other house and the housekeeper took care of him. then he was relocated to my other house in VA. i know he never wanted for love cause the people that took care of him loved him very much to. but i still feel like i should have been there, played with him and just seen him more. He was my best friend when i took him every where with me. i love him so much and i have always been afraid since i left him that something would happen and i wouldn't be there him in the end. and now it has and i don't know what to do. i just can't imagine my life without him. even though i didn't see him everyday i still knew he was there waiting for me. now he's not and i don't know what to do.
i know he's in a better place. he was old, he had no teeth, was completely deaf and couldn't hold his bowels any more. but he was still so full of life. he was always alot of dog in a little package, that how we described him when we bought him and that what he was up till the very end. you couldn't be around him with out smiling and getting covered in his fur. he drove everyone crazy with his constant whining but u could never stay mad at him, he was to cute. im very sad to lose him but i know where ever he is he is happy.
i don't know why im writing this but i needed to get this out, i still don't know what to do and i miss him very very much.

no seriously i hate it. i think i would like it if i could understand anything but it like watching a foreign movie with the no subtitles, sometimes u can infer whats going on but most of the time u have no idea. anyway had a french test and i did well on one half really bad on the other. so lets see what happens there. i also slept weird my neck hurts like bitch.

lots of questions have been bothing me layely, such as...
why do artists need to do a job/make a statement/ prove a point? why can't they just make pretty things? it's cool if they want to make a statement, but i doin't think things that don't make a statement should be ignored.
why don't people question traditions? when the tradition started it might have had a valid reason and point but now? now people are probably just doing it because there father did it. this goes for grudges to. if insult or injury was not done to you why hold a grudge?
just let it go people.
then again their are some traditions i love. in my family we have alot of traditions around holidays and other times. then again my family as in my parents started these traditions and in no way force us to participate we all just like them. i feel no pressure to continue them with my kids, i'll probably use some and create some of my own.
why do people always need to be in relationships? i mean seriously stand on your own to feet. i have a friend, she met a guy two and half WEEKS ago and they are already planning their wedding. now they maybe perfect for each other and have fallen in love at first sight, or in this case first text cause they haven't actually met yet. but come on even if they are soul mates i think this is a little fast, don't u? whats the fun in just throwing yourself into a marraige can't u just enjoy dating and getting to know eachother? i think they should live to gether first, but what do i know? this is also my firends 5TH proposal and she broke up with her boyfriend of a year cause he wouldn't commit. shes 19 and shes already want to settle down... WHY? i don't understand! their is so much to do why tie urself down why settle down i mean at least wait till your in your 20's or till u have met the guy!
anyway i am a little frustrated by my friend. she is also trying to hook me up with her "fiances" friend. he's nice but i really could care less about being i a relationship right now i have other shit to do. i will find some one when it's the right time and i will marry them when i find the right guy. if some one i like comes along i'll date them but im not looking for "the one". im 18 i shouldn't be.
ohh and my other friend nick, yeah he has also said he has found the "one" and is planning to marry her in the future. at least he has met her and has actually moved in with her right now. when all these relationships fall through and turn out badly i will say be hard pressed not to say i told u so.
ok more questions...
will i like my roommate next year? i hope i do i love my roommate right now, i wasn't so chill with my roommate last year. will leaving in a college dorm be very different from living in at a boarding school? i hope so, well i hope i get more freedom, less room inspections and i wont have to have dress code (business clothes) clothes so my warddrobe will be like half the size and no more drying cleaning! i can't wait to ge to college. i am so fucking excited.

one month of school left and i only have classes till the 18th of march then me and just about all my friends are done so im thinking we need to plan some trips. ahhh im having a dislexic moment and all the words seem to be spelled wrong. ok i guess my post is done, bye.
p.s laptop is still broken but hopwfully will be fixed in the next two weeks as i am out of books.

HURRAY it's the weekend. and tonight is the last night of the play. last night was my last nioght as morgan le fey it went well, i flubbed aline pretty bad but besides that everything went really well. im suprised how well actually the plays been going, some how we managed to pull it together and actually have a pretty amusing end result.
had an odd epiphany the other day. my dad pays for everything i have, he works him self crazy to pay for all the things i have and i don't do anything. i think im going to get a job this summer and next year at school. i think i want to work in a coffee shop.
lappy is still broken. i have been reading alot and being pretty productive with out it. i have also been really bored. so it's good and bad. i hate being bored. i went to get it fixed but was told that it was not under warranty any more which it should be so i have to pay 700chf to get it fixed and it would still take at least a week. so i decided to figure out how to get the warranty fixed before i get the lappy fixed. so i have like 3 weeks before i have a lappy again.
and that's all

so today i went to all my classes again hurray!
i got a test back in precal i did not do well, no suprise i didn't understand but then no one did and no one did well so i don't feel to bad. the problem is that my grade has now droped to a C+ which is bad cause i need a B- to keep from having to take the end of the final. so looks like i have to do work i again and probably go to math help cause i never understand mr. Poland's explaintions.
i got a test back in art history as well i got a C+ which makes me happy, i have 3 weeks before the AP test so im thinking i should start studying for it.
i had a essay in english which was super boring and i didn't get to fiish mine but she's cool if i write it outside of class as well she will probably give me credit for both. again need to start stufying for the AP in 3 weeks so some extra essay writing can't hurt. i also got back to old essays B- on one and C+ on the other so again im happy w/ them.
god i have been so tired i slept during all my frees today and i would be sleeping again right now, but i have to get up and go to assembly then go down town to get my laptop fixed so staying awake is probably a good idea. also i can't seem to sleep at night.
last night after the play i was exhausted. even though i was just in the chorus i somehow also became the makeup person and assistant stage manager. how do i always managed to get rangalled into these things. not that it's not fun. i got to do some sick makeup on some of the people and i had fun doing everyone elses, but it got a little stressful as i had a million people asking me a billion questions and all trying to get me to help them due their hair and makeup. but it all got worked out and i even had time to get my self made up to go on stage. so all in all fun just tiring.
now everyone else was not as on it as i was. we had several leads forget lines and parts of songs a couple cues were missed and the usual. my only bad thing was my friends sat in the frnt row and made me laugh during a very serious seen. im singing " she must burn! she must burn!" and trying to stop my slef cracking up and im standing in the front line of the chorus to, so everyone could see me. luckily i was not the only one having this probem must of the chorus was, so we just all laughed abut it when we got off stage. so all in all a fun time.
i have decided that at TASIS the first night is more of a dress rehearsal w/ an audience then an actual performance. ohh but the other girl who did my part, yeah she was not so good. well she did it the way she wanted ands it wasn't bad it just wasn't funny. it was to straight and plain to get any laughs. so now mr. morse ( one of the directeurs) is having me come early (6.00 play starts at 8) to relearn how i should do it. a little annoying cause i don't do it the same way as the other one but what ever i will go i will be yelled at, hopefully i'll get some laughs.
damn i forgot i still have to redaye my hair and paint my nails. my hair will be a bright red again( it has washed out) and my nails wil either be blac or red.
that's what's going on and now im off to assembly.

tryed to write last night with little success but oh well. this morning i hvae done nothing. well i started a book ( the last assasin) so far i like it. took a shower got dressed and have had breakfast. now im just wasting time till rehearsal in 10 minutes. lets see how thats gonna go. if by some miracle this isn't a diaster i will be amazed.

i finally figured out what has been crashing my hard drives. what is it u may ask that has cause me to lose three computers, serval thousand pictures, some papers and 400 bucks? why my fucking PURSE? it has a magnet that holds it close as well as crashes my hard drives. so now that i have ruined another perfectly good computer and relageted to the computer lab for all my computer needs some one helpfully points out that magnets BREAK computers. i being the idiot i am did not know that. only good news on this front is that my coomputer is still under warranty as i have only had it for a month.

i was going to go to the apple store down town today but i had play rehearsal (where i did nothing) all afternoon, i have it tomorrow as well. luckily the guy i act with is hot and relavtively entertaing and i like the rest of the cast in general other wise it would be a total wash.
We are doing camelot: the musical and it will be atrocious. The leads don't know their lines and tomorrow is r last rehearsal. It is also are only dress rehearsal. Everything is double cast. One Arthur is good the other is hard to watch. We have 4 Quinvere's all ok. Since this is an international school we have some kids who don't speak english as their first language. let's just say i'll be pleased if people understand half their lines or even 1/3 of them.We have two directeurs both who love the sound of their own voice, i dread every time they open their mouths.
Since the lappy is broken i have been trying to find something to do. Most of my friend are off in london right now. i was not invited i would not have been able to attend thanks to the play, but it would have been nice to be invited. I feel like i have done something to annoy them. but then i try not to take it personally and just beleive that they forgot or didn't think to invite me. but that would also suck because then i don't matter that much to even be thought of. ahh but i whine enough what ever the reason it doesn't matter and life rolls on.

so back to trying to amuse myself. i have read two books in as many days and will probably be starting in on number three when i get done writing this. on a side not i always get sick of twixs before i can eat both of them, but then i feel like im wasting it is a slighty troublesome dilema. back to books, i finally finished Ironside Holly Black's newest teen book. i liked it very much but then i have liked all her other books. if u like punks rock and faeries u will like it or if u just like a different take from the whole "faeries are lovely little balls of love" then i suggest it. i also read some thing called Playing James by some british author. it was very very good. funny and light hearted while still having a plot and being a satisfying read. if u want a fun romance defidently pick it up. it had me actually laughing out loud.
After i read for ahile i always get the urge to write but i never know what to write about. it is especially annoying when i have no laptop to write on. i also have a lack of paper in my room. i need to buy more paper, i have filled all my class notes with dooles. but back to my main point i do want to write and i will be posting whatever i come up with in a later post. it weird how i just kinds stopped writing. i still want to and i still have ideas but they seem to get lost somewhere on their way from my brain to the paper. but i think i should start again. it will atleast give me something to do.
ok im off now, to write, check in and call my parents

so i woke up early (6:25ish) got my shower, yeah hot water, then sat around looking at penn and teller stuff on youtube till 8.00 when my classes started. this means i went to class ten minutes late as per usual. but i met Desi a girl in my class and it seems my math teacher hasn't returned from his vacation, so no class! so now I'm back in my room to chill for an hour till art history. Now i only have two classes today hurray.

so basic info, I am a senior at a boarding school in Switzerland. I am an American resident. I grew up in the suburbs of philadelphia, then moved to manhattan when I was 15 with my family. I am the middle of five kids we are very different but still close. I will be attending Drexel university to study film if by some miracle I manage to pass french and graduate. French class is the bane of my existence. I like photography and movies. I read all the time and will probably post reviews on whatever I am reading, as well as rants, movies i like and pictures i have taken. Pretty much whatever i feel like will go up here. I hope I can meet some people that share some of my interests.
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god I sound like such a dork, like this is some college application short answer, but really I'm not that lame (most of the time). I'm just bored as hell and hoping this will amuse me.